Where Am I Going?

I haven't been so disappointed for a period of time in my life than this year. So many things have happened that I didn't expect, most of it for the worse. Although most times I was able to look to the good side, sometimes I'm just trying so hard to make it seem like it was good, but really there isn't any good that came out of it.

It's not like I ever learn my lesson. I never change, as it's too difficult. Bad habits are easy to keep. It seems as though I've given up on everything. Everything around me seems to be collapsing, anyways.

I'm never able to finish the last bite. I stared at my hamburger this evening, and there was only one bite left. I didn't want it, however; I was satisfied. This happens almost every time I eat a meal. There's a bit of rice left, there's some meat left, but I won't finish it. It just seems... so unappealing. This is how I deal with life. I never finish what I start. I get so close, but get so lazy, so bored, so content with where I am, that I give up and move on.

In the long run, it's going to cause many problems for me. What future will I have if I'm constantly doing horrible on tests? If I'm not gaining the respect of my peers? What can I do? These false leaders have no passion, they don't do it cause they love it, they do it for themselves. Their own unneeded, unnecessary benefit. Selfish as I may seem, I speak what I believe, and I believe that I am not the selfish one.

My priorities are all screwed up. God and school are at the bottom. Friends and family seem to be on the top. Quite frankly, friends seem to be the only thing that has an affect on me. It's like I don't want to have anything to do with something that isn't about now. The future is unimportant, and I live life in the moment. This isn't the right way to approach life.

My life has been broken in pieces, and I really have no idea who I am, and what I'm going to be doing. I talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk.