Hidden Conflicts

Life is full of drama. Life IS drama. We are just actors safe behind ours masks. No, we're not actors. We're super-villains. We are evil, with this mask on, the consequences are piled upon the mask, not the wearer. The wearer feels false comfort. However, when the mask is uncovered, the villain is revealed, causing much problems.
Everyone lives their lives like this. I know this metaphor has been used countless times as well, but I like it. It's completely true. There are so many things that can make one angry, but the one that makes me feel the most hurt, frustrated, and betrayed, is when a friend talks smack behind my back. Yeah, that rhymes.
I mean, come on. Instead of sharing the things with others, put on that mask and tell it to my face. I'm not saying everyone go out there and say what's on your mind. That would be ugly. But come on. Also, instead of complaining about someone's faults, or mistakes, tell them. Help them fix it. Help me fix it. Especially if I'm a friend. Accountability is what we need, as brothers. Or sisters.
Also, to be a good Christians, don't just put on your Sunday mask, or church mask. Just be Christian, all the time. I mean, I struggle with that too but I'm trying to practice what I preach. That's another thing: practice what you preach!

Random Thoughts:
Love yourself and love others.
God is love, but not all love is God.
Get married.
I have a talent show tomorrow.
I raised a total of $3.00 so far for the 30 hour famine. Support me PLEASE.
I'm going to die.
I have a test tomorrow.
I should rest and sleep and eat and get ready.
This is the first time I've ever performed. God help me


You know what? I just put on a mask writing all that stuff.
I talk smack. I try to stop. I'm not always Christian.

I'm losing faith.
Pray for me, pray for guidance. Pray for patience, pray for strength. Pray for boldness.
Thank you and GOD BLESS

Ah. Gay Day

Today is 2 days after valentine's day. Let me tell you that my plans failed horribly. I didn't watch the movie, and of course, I didn't have a date. I ended up spending the day with my family, going far south to visit my grandpa's grave. Came home and just read books.
Later that night, though, I went out to Kristie's house and watched Zombieland. It was an alright movie. Then we played super smash bros and I killed some noobs. Yeah that's right.
I went home, and I unmistakably felt the feeling of loneliness. It sucks haha, especially when there aren't any bros to be with either.

Yesterday I just sat there almost the entire day, and then I went out with Christina and Luke and others to watch Valentine's Day, the movie. It was funny but it only augmented to my feelings of being lonely. After that we had a nice burger at Applebees, then Pochis soon thereafter, and finally went home.

Today. Today I woke up early and did something I've never really done. A morning jog. It felt nice, and I'm really trying to lose calories. I might go on a diet as well. I was supposed to go eat, but my mom left right when I was about to leave the house. Probably 'cause she's angry about my SAT score, which I did not so do well on.
Ugh.

Today isn't going so well. I don't feel like doing anything. Peace.
l0l i'm emo

listen to: Best I Ever Had Matamatics Remix

In The Morning

In the morning, I will have my 2nd SAT Score. I must say that I'm nervous, and I'm pretty sure that I did worse this time than last time.

This night was weird. I talked to old friends again, and it was cool to see how life has changed for them, and how much things have changed.

I found out things that I shouldn't have been told. But whatever, it's all good.

I find that I enjoy sunrises more than sunsets. Well, I guess it depends. For a sunset, it's a good way to end he day, unless I'm lonely. For sunrises, it's a great way to start the day, no matter what.
I hope that tomorrow's skies will be nice and pink and beautiful. Just like YOU!
Goodnight!

Single Awareness Day (SAD)

Oh poop. Guess what's coming up in several days? This Sunday, it's February 14th. More commonly known as Valentine's Day. Uncommonly known as Single Awareness Day.
Who needs someone to be with on this random day of love and affection? Why not just enjoy the comfort of being alone, and hanging out by yourself?
I'm only saying that 'cause I'm jealous, to be honest.
I remember in elementary school, when this holiday came along. Everyone wrote cards for one another, and gave candy. I loved getting them from my crush, and I would be ecstatically happy, pretending as though they singled me out and gave me that small card, with the Looney Tunes character Tazz. I also remember buying candy grams to my crushes.. Oh my gosh that was a long time ago.

There is Hyungjae retreat, which I wish I could attend, but I highly doubt it. It sounds fun, and I miss those guys, but yeah.

My plan is to watch the movie, Valentine's day. It looks good. Single or not, I intend on going!

I watched the Notebook today. It was gooood. Good love story. The only thing that bothered me was that the fact that (spoiler) Allie had dementia. It seemed as though the idea was thrown in there. There's absolutely no reason for her to have a disease... It's like it was there just to make a sad ending. Oh well. I enjoyed it.
Have a good week everyone!

Frustration. Confusion.

I lay in my bed, frustrated. An emotion that is constantly and consistently taking me over. Frustration leads to anger, and anger leads to foolish actions. I may have just made one of those foolish mistakes, but I hope to not think much of it.

What makes me the most frustrated? What brings the stinging tears to my eyes?
When the hope, the future happiness that I will soon acquire, is taken away. It is stolen, it is unfair and unjust.
Why? Why give me the false hope, the false excitement? What brings the most pain and suffering to me is this: failing to meet expectations; expectations that are very much expected.



What am I doing with my life right now? I feel as though I've been going with the flow to a point where even the flow is ambiguous. Going with the flow is no longer fun; it is just a waste of time. Time is the most important treasure that we often take for granted.
I'd rather have a sense of direction in my life. I want to set my goals and dreams, but how can I do that when I have yet to discover myself? My talents, my strengths, my hopes?
I have assumptions, assumptions based upon my prior experiences or talent.
I don't expect the reader of this blog to fully understand what I'm writing about.
This is for myself. For myself to understand my faults, and what breaks me.

I am confused. Please guide me.